This is soooo funny.
Duncan and Norm were enjoying a beer at the pub when Duncan said that he was starting a new job next week which involved shift work.
As soon as he mentioned shift work, Norm looked at his watch, put his half-finished beer glass down on the bar and bolted out the pub door.
Duncan couldn’t believe that his old drinking mate just bolted, but drank on regardless.
Exactly an hour later, a stinking wet, bleeding and very angry Norm staggered back into the bar and joined Duncan. “Jeez, I’m really pissed off!” he complained.
Duncan just looked aside at him and said, “Fair dinkum mate, I thought you were a bit of a dork when you left and your beer still half full and all. Anyway, why did you bolt?”
“It was all your fault,” said Norm. “As soon as you mentioned shift work, it reminded me of an old girlfriend down the road who had told me her husband was on shift work this evening. Not only that she also gave me the nod that I knew I could be in like Flynn.”
“Ah, so that’s why you are pissed off, you found out he wasn’t at work,” said Duncan.
“Nah”, replied Norm. “Why do you think I am so wet and stinking – and have a look at me flamin’ knuckles! I went round to her place, she opened the door and in wasn’t long before we were tucked up in her bed. We were just getting into it when I heard this sound of a car pulling into her driveway. She panicked and told me to hide and that her husband was coming back for his ‘lunch’ box, which he had left on the kitchen table.”
“Ah-ah! So that’s why you are so pissed off – you didn’t get to lay that sheila”, said Duncan.
“Nope, wrong again,” said Norm. “I couldn’t find anywhere to hide so I finally crawled out the bedroom window and hung by my fingertips while the she closed the window and dashed into the kitchen. Her husband, the bastard, must of guessed what was going on because he rushed into the bedroom and looked under the bed. Not finding anything there he checked the window and saw me hanging on to the windowsill. He laughed hysterically, then ran to the laundry and came back with a bloody mallet which he used on my fingers like a bloody xylophone. I hung on as tight as I could and just as I thought I would lose my grip the bastard went to the bed and pulled out the half filled gazunder from underneath it. Before I knew it he tipped it all over me.”
“So that’s why you’re pissed off so bad”, commented Duncan. “You got pissed on!”
“No – I’ll tell you why I’m so pissed off”, said Norm as he drained the rest of his now warm beer. “After missing out on my naughtie, having my hands belted with a mallet and having a piss pot tipped all over me while hanging on for dear life at that bloody window, I looked down and saw that my feet were only three inches from the ground! That’s what really pissed me off! =))